Have you ever caught yourself thinking too much? I'd say that in Yeshiva, we're all guilty of it. Sure, we came here to think -- about Torah, about G-d, about our goals in life -- but thinking is often in opposition to knowing. Des Cartes is famous for touting: "I think, therefore I am." But thinking isn't the cause of our existence; our thought didn't birth us. The Talmud relates that in the womb we are taught the entire Torah, so that by the time we are born, we know it all. The catch is, if we were consciously aware of this knowledge, we wouldn't have any free choice. We'd know too much for our actions to be a reflection of our desires. We wouldn't be able to "weigh the options" or "figure things out;" we'd just know the "right" thing to do in every situation. That's no fun!
So what happens the moment we exit the womb? An angel taps us under our nose (check out the dent he left!) and we forget everything we learned! Sounds a bit futile, eh? What's the point of investing all that energy and holiness when the teachings are just going to be forgotten? Well, thankfully, they're "forgotten but not gone." Our life, teaches the RaMCHaL, is a process of remembering what we learned in the womb. That means that the process isn't so much about thinking, but about remembering. So what is this, another plug for us to get in touch with our "inner child?!"
Pesach is only three weeks away. We have been learning in the Talmud on Pesach that to take part in the Seder, it's not enough to just tell the story of the Exodus from Egypt; we must perform certain actions as well -- eating bitter herbs, eating matzah -- we need to engage in behaviors that will bring us to a new consciousness. According to the Rambam, seeing ourselves as having left Egypt isn't enough; we must SHOW ourselves that we left Egypt -- we must act in ways that show us we are indeed free.
It's been a while since I was in the womb, so I've had plenty of time in my 24+ years of experiences to forget where I came from. And now I'm more interested than ever in re-finding that connection with my creator. It's a slow process. Rav Kook, in his essay on faith, explains how important it is to connect to that natural faith we all have: faith in the universe, the faith in humanity, the faith that things work out for the best. In order to expand this faith and use it to get back to the "womb," you need to delve into all areas of learning: intellectual, emotional, philosophical. Each different area is a channel for a different nekudah (aspect) of ourselves to be planted and expanded. Through art, science, music, even math... they are all avenues to connect back to our Creator, back to ourselves. That's the idea of natural faith... a faith so deep within us, it can even be unconscious. It's always been there, from day one. Looking for that "inner child" may seem like the start of a journey down an entirely new path. Really, it's not so new. We've been on the path our whole life. Its start and its end are one and the same. It takes some faith to remember that.
When we remember what we've learned and where we've been up to now, we'll see that we've been SHOWING ourselves who we are all along. We had to forget to get here; may we all remember the way back.