Rebbe Nachman tells us that chometz (leavening) is the expansion of the mind in ways that are not healthy. We, as thinking beings, have an amazing capacity to justify. R. Nachman tells us justification comes from two sides - fallen love (ta'avot) and fallen fear. Perhaps, for example, out of fear to open up or accept a certain part of myself, I might argue with and criticize anyone who comes close to touching that place. And I could so easily walk away completely convinced of my arguments. Not only does it feel like I'm right, but I have a whole logic to back it up. It makes sense - I'm right and he's wrong. Fallen loves - I'll just sleep another half hour, 'cause I know I'll be tired…
Leaving Mitzrayim is also called leaving the unhealthy parts of our imagination. The part that imagines that things are different than they are, that insists on not seeing what really is. For example, my image of myself as already knowing what I need to know, just need a couple of small adjustments, yup. But we hold on to our imaginations as security, fear of facing what really is.
I've been seeing in myself, thank G-d, opinions coming out of my mouth which aren't really my opinions. Just justifications, defenses. It's such a challenge to back down from them, to admit that they are wrong, foreign, not me, and I can let go of them without letting go of me.
Friends, we limit ourselves so much. Let us free ourselves from ourselves, let us free each other.
Rav Gavriel Goldfeder
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Rav Gavriel Goldfeder is one of the first semicha recipients of the yeshiva. A graduate of Drew University in Religious Studies, he came to Bat Ayin after stints in other yeshivot and found a spiritual and intellectual home. Here he met his wife, Ketriellah, who was a student in our short-lived Women's Yeshiva. Upon graduation, Gavriel took the position of rabbi of the Aish Kodesh Congregation in Boulder, Colorado and together with Ketriellah and their growing family, they are busy creating (in Gavriel's words), "a community infused with Torah values, passion for learning and prayer, consideration of one another, and action, as well as deep celebration of the joys of life." |