The month of Cheshvan, which we find ourselves entering now, is a month notably empty of Jewish holidays, whether from the Torah or the Rabbis - there isn't even a fast day in Cheshvan! This "emptiness" is felt especially strongly after the month of Tishrei, which contains the most Chagim of any month, and includes Yamim Noraim. Thus Cheshvan's longer name is "Mar-Cheshvan," bitter Cheshvan. Reb Shlomo Carlebach would always reverse this name, though, referring to this month as "Ram-Cheshvan," as in the highest month. All of Torah is concerned with the secret of lifting up the bitterness of life, as well as revealing the High Holiness of the most mundane. The following draws upon the merit and the holy teachings of the Piesetzner Rebbe (Yahrzeit 4 Cheshvan) and Reb Shlomo Carlebach (Yahrzeit 16 Cheshvan…)
Reb Kolonymous Kalman Shapira, the Piesetzer Rebbe, has an awesome teaching on how we truly arouse the Divine Shefa that we need to change our lives. On the one hand, we know that our longing will arouse God's longing to give, as it were. But there are many levels, many kinds of longing, of will. The Midrash says that a person who has 100 dollars wants 200. Well, the Rebbe says, it sounds like the Midrash thinks that someone who has 50 dollars wants only 100. But everyone knows that even someone with nothing can want a million dollars (and play the lottery every day to try to get it.) So, we have to realize there is a vast difference between the kind of will which leads perhaps to buying a lottery ticket, and the strong will which leads to a willingness to work and sacrifice in order to make a vision a reality. This strong will is the one which draws down God's Shefa and Brachah into our lives in the biggest way.
This strong will doesn't really come from ourselves, in a way. Rather, it is generated by something which we have already achieved and grown into. We can only really long for what we already have, and so one who has "100" - metaphorically - that "100" affects him and draws out from him the desire and will for another 100. If a person can learn Torah or davven or connect in a deep way with their friends, each of these things can lead a person to want to increase these holy activities. There is one problem, though: all of these works to draw down more, but what if a person wants to connect to a deeper level of what is already there. I don't want to learn one more page right now, I want to stay on this page and be that much deeper. How can I long for this, since I haven't even tasted that level…
Rebbe Nachman once sighed deeply, gazing out his window. When his student Reb Nosson asked him, he said that he was just thinking of how, years ago, he had never imagined there existed such dimensions as he was living in now. And so, he had been unable to long and davven to reach such high levels, since he couldn't even imagine them so as to long for them. And so, concluded Rebbe Nachman, I was just asking myself now, what further levels are there which I am not even able to long for now, since they are unimaginable to me now…
So the Piesetzner says it's true, if you don't have some, you can't yet long for more. But how then can you ever get started on a new, deeper level. Thank God, you can get a loan of "beyond" holiness! Sometimes a Rebbe, a teacher, gives you a loan of a holiness which you really hadn't reached yet. And the Yamim Tovim of Tishrei are like an amazing loan of new levels of awe, of joy, of teshuvah - at least at times, didn't every Jew taste something not just more but new over Tishrei? The holiness of Cheshvan is, it's the "regular" month where we get to long to bring that new depth of joy and awe into our own lives. When we've still got the holiness of Tishrei's holy days "whispering" (another hinted meaning of "Marcheshvan") in our ears, let us remember to use that loan to long to start our own daily connection to this newness and depth. Of course, sometimes God gives you a loan when you least expect it. But however it comes to us, may God help us to merit remembering always the power of longing. Blessings for a new year of daily holiness and true growth!