The Torah was received in fear. The Jews feared for their very lives -- the skies opened and all the creative and destructive power of the universe was revealed to them. This is the force that makes Moshe later on hide in the cleft of the rock, for "no man may see Me and live." The Jews saw the voices of G-d, and more than fearing for their lives, they died. The skin of the old self was shed, they died to life without spiritual meaning and direction, to a life without Torah. This was not a choice, as the Talmud in Shabbat reads; G-d held the mountain over them as a threat that if they refused to accept the Torah, it would fall and destroy them. How can we accept Torah by threat and fear? The question is the opposite; is it possible to truly live without a spiritual life? I believe not, and so the threat of the mountain falling was the threat of living a life without deep meaning and purpose, in effect, being dead to the depths of life. In that way there is no choice, and I am afraid of such a void, of dying to the beauty of the spiritual life of Torah. I have no choice, I need to live a life of the spirit. Still the fear persists, even after the acceptance of such a path. The Jews could not ascend the mountain and G-d still had to speak to them veiled by a cloud. From a deep place, I know that I cannot live without a spiritual life, but I constantly doubt it and want to flee to an easier place, a more unconscious or dead place. I am afraid of the demands such a life will require of me, and I doubt my abilities to persevere. I am afraid of the spiritual life and am afraid to live without it. I must transcend this fear and preserve it at the same time. I must become the mountain. Only as the mountain can I be immense and secure, untoppable, in my spiritual life, and at the same time hold my self, my true potential, over myself. What I truly am and can be, a spiritual mountain, I hold over what I often see myself as, a shadowed valley. I will rise to be my true self, in fear and love.
Meditation: Sit up tall and straight, head slightly tilted down, with your eyes closed. Breathe deeply a few times, relaxing your body with each out-breath while remaining upright. Feel the space of your lungs expanding, feeling your whole abdomen expand. Now focus on your sitting posture itself. Settle into the sit, feeling the ground or floor under you as solid and unmoving. With each breath, feel yourself more in place, more settled into your position. Do not move, feel solid and heavy. Become a mountain, with your legs as its base, rising up to your head as its peak. Consider yourself connected to the earth and rising to the sky. Nothing can move you. You are resolute, the winds blow, the rain and slow lash, but you stand firm. Becoming a spiritual mountain, you can accept the call of true life. ?