Lo eesh d'varim ani (I am not a man of words).
So the weekly parshas of late have been dealing with the Jewish People in Egypt, and no matter where I look, I find mention of the importance of heart, the importance of understanding on that level that runs so much deeper than intellect. In Bible Improv this week, we explored the scene in which Hashem tells Moshe he was the man for the job of liberating the Jews. Gavriel G. played Moshe depicting his struggle to believe G-d had chosen the right man:
Moshe: I'm not a man of words you know…I never have been.
Hashem: I beg to differ. I'm the one who gave you a mouth aren't I?! I'm the one who gives you the ability to speak. Your lack of eloquence is no excuse…I NEED YOU. The Jewish People need you.
M: Oh boy. I can't even express what I'm feeling to you correctly… it's not even about lack of eloquence or a speech impediment. It's about desire. You, too, must see that I don't WANT to be a man of words. I can't stand being tactful, or politically correct, or super sensitive to the way people need to hear what I say. It's so frustrating trying to twist my words into a form that their hearts can receive. I'm not confident that I'll be able to do that with the messages you send through me. When I killed that Egyptian, it wasn't the tactful thing to do, but it was the right thing. But they couldn't understand that. And when I chastised the Jew who was threatening his brother, I was so blunt that I frightened him. How can you mean for me to be the one?
H': Are you done? That was quite a mouthful for one who is not a "man of words." Oh Moshe… your honesty, however brutal, is the part of you I cherish most dearly… you'll stop at nothing but the truth. Have you ever considered that I might empathize with what you're feeling? Do you have any idea how frustrating it is for me to nurture a people that need so much attention, that have so many questions; and the only answers I can give them are words… WORDS! And they don't even want to hear them. They're losing their belief on the "stories" of Joseph; they're forgetting what it means to be a Jew. And while I can show them miracle after mind-blowing miracle, it will still take someone to plead with them, to talk to them to free them from their suffering. I didn't choose you for your words, I chose you for your passion - your strength of action, your radiance that works like a magnet, drawing everyone close to you. The only tool we have to communicate is words… but it's you who can transform them into understandings.
M: -- -- --
H': I see. Then it will not be your words that they hear… your brother Aaron will be your mouthpiece.
So it's painfully clear how hard it is for our words to have the effect we want. The biggest obstacle, really, is the way our words are heard. I think G-d had an inkling that this was the case, so he commanded that we set aside time, three times each day, just to practice hearing. Shema Yisrael Adokai Elokenu Adokai Echad. Listen up all you Jews out there, Listen, because if you really listen you'll hear what G-d is saying. He has a lot of names: Adokai, Elokenu, but they're all names of the same amazing being. He demands a lot from us, but it's all done out of love. He uses many words, but they are only put into the world with the hope that one of them will catch our ear and give us an avenue to connect.
Rav Shlomo Carlebach said that in that Shema prayer, G-d commands us to put his words on our heart (al levavecha). Not in our heart, but on our heart. What's the difference? To put something new into your heart, something big, requires open heart surgery…that's painful. To immediately accept the ideas in G-d's words is an impossible thing to demand. But to put them on your heart is different. That allows for the ideas to sink in slowly, to be absorbed on our own time with understanding, love, and even excitement. It's a difficult journey for a word to pass from our head to our hearts, says the Alter Rebbe. The passage to the heart is the very narrow strait of the nerves. Egypt, too, is called Mitzrayim (the narrow place). With every word we hear, we have the opportunity to repeat history. May our ears hear words that inspire freedom, and may our hearts feel a truth that frees our souls.