A Rav said to me last week that Judaism is certainly not about losing yourself. I have always felt clear about my opinion on this, and I have always felt it important to attempt to lose my ego as much as possible, to lose my sense of self. When I first heard the words of this Rav, I immediately disagreed with him. However, after thinking about it some more, I still think that in general he is wrong but not as entirely wrong as I first thought. I will explain.
I realized the key to my perspective is to lose my "sense" of self. In light of this Rav's words, I now realize that although my goal is to lose my "sense" of self, it is so that I can completely find myself. In other words, it is only when I stop thinking of myself as myself that I can really become myself.
In a perhaps somewhat convoluted way, this connects to an interesting idea I heard this week at a class by Rav Mordechai Scheinberger. There is a famous story in the Talmud of four Rabbis who entered in to the pardes, the deepest levels of Torah, and only Rabbi Akiva came out allright. When he returned, he said, "When you come to the stone of pure marble, don't say, 'Water, water.' " Rav Scheinberger explained that this relates to the two sets of tablets that were brought down from Mt Sinai, the first tablets having been broken by Moshe Rabbenu, and the second remaining intact. Rav Scheinberger said that to not say "water, water" is to not think that the two sets of tablets are two completely different things or concepts; there is clearly only one Torah, and the two sets of tablets are two different aspects of one thing. As water represents Torah, you should not say "water" twice, thereby implying that you think there is more than one Torah, G-d forbid. The two sets of tablets are really connected in one.
As we know, the first set of tablets was broken. Sometimes we need to break something in order to rebuild it. The first set needed to be broken so that it could be rebuilt stronger. Nevertheless, the two sets of tablets were indeed two sets and not one. The Rav continued by saying that the place in which we do indeed see one stone, in which all duality combines into one place, is the evan haShtiya, the "foundation stone" upon which the Holy of Holies sits. This stone is the place in which the entire world was created. When Hashem decided to create the world, he tzimtzumed Himself, contracted Himself so to speak, in order to leave room for creation. It is at this place, the evan haShtiya, that the initial contraction happened. From this point, there is a line of light which connects directly to the supernal light of Hashem.
Now that I completely have you wondering, "What in the world is he talking about," I will try to explain.
Water represents Hashem's influx in the world, the Holy Torah. To not say "water, water" is to not say that this influx is in duality, but rather is unified in one point, the point of tzimtzum, in other words , the place of one stone, the even haShtiya I mentioned earlier.
It is only when one realizes that he, too, is a place of tzimtzum, a place of constricted light which is being sent down from the supernal light, that one can begin to realize who he is. In other words, each one of us is a manifestation of the supernal light of Hashem being constricted into one place which is ourself and everything that has become to be known as "me!" It is only when I become completely aware that the person I think I am is really just a specific contraction of light which G-d Himself decided to make into that one point, into "me," that I can truly lose my sense of self while completely becoming the real, true, deep self, that Hashem is constantly putting into me and wants me to become.