We “send out” all the time – in words, thoughts, reactions, facial expression, etc. To have our “messengers” be true extensions of ourselves we must know the source that is sending in its barest truth. If this confrontation is not attempted, every messenger will bear the cracks we have in the center of our beings.
In this week’s parsha, Yaakov tells his brother Eisav: “Please, my lord, travel on before your servant, and I will journey on according to the pace of my cattle and children, until I join you in Seir (33:14).” To this day, Seir has yet to stamp its entrance visa on Yaakov’s passport. Rashi tells us that Yaakov will eventually make this trip in the day of Mashiach (bimhera biyameinu), but that even on that day, Yaakov won’t be “joining” his brother in Seir, but will be “judging” him from Mt. Zion. What prevents Yaakov from going with Eisav in the first place, and what does Rashi mean by “judging from Zion?”
The Ba’al HaTanya’s concept of the benoni (a person whose deeds and misdeeds are equally balanced) is someone who fully and cognizantly acknowledges their own inborn attractions to the pleasures of this world, but who never allows himself, in his thought, speech or actions, to submit to those attractions. How is it possible for this person to perfectly and without fail refute the promptings of his own animal soul, which incessantly entreat him to furnish the materialistic impulses of that soul with ‘garments’ of expression?
Perhaps the benoni addresses his animal soul subserviently, pleading: “Please, my lord, travel on before your servant.” Perhaps he beseeches the impulses of his animal soul to continue their journey over and through him, disallowing them the ability to find expression in him, until he can ultimately travel to master them at their source. When will he be able to do that? Perhaps when his “cattle and children” no longer hinder his pace (“cattle and children” are considered in the Torah as mochin d’katanot (constricted consciousness or small- mindedness)). As we learn from Rebbe Nachman, “You cannot defeat the darkness without until you have defeated the darkness within.” The benoni recognizes that he cannot travel to the source of the animal soul to master it until he understands and masters the manifestation of its impulses within him. Likewise, Yaakov will not be ready to truly “judge” Eisav until he can truly judge himself.
Jerry Silverman
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Jerry Silverman is a former student of Yeshivat Bat Ayin. He is working in new media, designing and managing media projects. He lives in Riverdale, NY with his wife Sarah and their two children. |