SOOOOoooooooooo, some friends of mine, we'll call them Jack and Diane, decided about a month ago that they were going to get married. They set a date some time in mid-March. She decided to come to Israel to tie up some loose ends and get some support. He decided, a few days later, that he needed some support, too, so he decided to come to Israel as well. Well, a few days in, they just decided they might as well get married here. In a week. So they did. A beautiful wedding.
Jewish weddings are deep. Sometimes you can feel that its not just two people getting married, but two different aspects of the universe, joining together. You can sometimes feel yourself getting married. The Jewish wedding is full of symbolism - it has the feeling of a tribal ritual. Some of the symbols are familiar - like breaking the glass, like the ring. Another lesser-known ritual is the bride walking around the groom seven times under the canopy.
As I watched Diane walk around Jack, I watched his eyes following her until he could not see her anymore, and then he would turn his head and look from the other side to see her coming. But I noticed there is a time when he cannot see her at all - his blind spot. But, I could see, she was in fact there. It hit me hard - the trust that there is in a marriage, that he lets someone into his blind spot, he lets someone see in him what he cannot see in himself. Trust.
Last week's parsha ends with Moses telling Pharoah that he must let the Hebrews go out into the wilderness for three days. Pharoah not only rejects his request, but adds to the Hebrew slaves' burden. The Hebrews yell at Moses, and Moses in turn says to God, "Why have you treated your people badly? Why have you sent me?" God says back, "You'll see what I'm going to do to Pharoah." Then the Parsha ends, and this week's picks up. God says to Moses, "I am God." Simple enough. But exactly what Moses was missing. Maybe he forgot for a moment.
Rebbe Natan of Breslov explains that there is truth and there is Truth. Moses saw the truth as far as he could see it - and according to what he could see, he was absolutely right. Things had only gotten worse for the Hebrews. He was not succeeding in his mission. So he complains. And God says, "I am God." You're right, Moses, but there is also another truth, that you cannot see and cannot know. My truth. And you have to trust in that, and let go. Realize that you are not controlling the universe. Realize that you can let go, and the universe will still function without you. This is not to say your actions are not really important, but be aware that ultimately the world is not dependent upon you. You can even mess up, and make a mistake, and be vulnerable, and breathe a bit, and it will still go.
This tendency creeps into every corner of our being - in a conversation, I am afraid of the silence, so I fill it with small talk, or irrelevant questions. Maybe I think the person will disappoint me if I let him show who he is. Maybe I don't even think he exists. I think it manifests also in the need to have opinions about everything, and to express them. If I don't tell this guy that the book was lousy, he might read it and really like it.
The question is, how much can I withdraw myself from the center, and let others make their own decisions and their own mistakes? How much am I willing to let go, and let myself be affected by someone, let my dance partner lead me for a moment or two, let her make dinner...
... and enjoy something new and different.
Rav Gavriel Goldfeder
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Rav Gavriel Goldfeder is one of the first semicha recipients of the yeshiva. A graduate of Drew University in Religious Studies, he came to Bat Ayin after stints in other yeshivot and found a spiritual and intellectual home. Here he met his wife, Ketriellah, who was a student in our short-lived Women's Yeshiva. Upon graduation, Gavriel took the position of rabbi of the Aish Kodesh Congregation in Boulder, Colorado and together with Ketriellah and their growing family, they are busy creating (in Gavriel's words), "a community infused with Torah values, passion for learning and prayer, consideration of one another, and action, as well as deep celebration of the joys of life." |