There's nothing I like more than a good confrontation. The Torah does not disappoint. Perfectly written, the suspense is killing us, we don't know why the lead character is acting so strange, seemingly cowardly… We hear the antagonist is coming, and with four hundred men, the plot begins to unfold, its coming, and then BAM! There it is, straight confrontation, issues being settled, the cosmos in the balance, the sides are so evenly matched, we don't know who's gonna win. NO! The hero is hurt! But he maintains his composure long enough to utter words of heroism, to gain the blessing he sought... The problem is, this is not the confrontation we were hoping for. We thought Ya'akov was going to struggle with Esav. But it ends up being with "some man." Then when its all over, Ya'akov goes to see Esav. And he says to his brother, "Seeing your face is like seeing the face of God," -- but really it seems Ya'akov is referring to the wrestling match of last night, when he named the place of the struggle "Peni-el -- for I have seen God face-to-face." And when he finally sees Esav, there is no struggle. There are instead tears.
Marion Woodman defines a projection in the following way: "Unconscious content in ourselves sees somone or something in the outer world to which it says Yes or No." Then a part of us, and we don't know how much, is invested in that thing or person. It is a noble and difficult task to locate onto what we are projecting, and to call it back into ourselves rather than leave it outward. Projections can also take us places -- something deep inside of us recognizes that something outside of us that we admire, or hate, will be an adequate carrier of an emotion, and we will be carried by that person through a drama, usually leading to a climactic confrontation. The key is, to draw in that "arrow of projection" from that person before it is too late. If the confrontation happens with the person, it may be only damaging, at the least it will be unfulfilling, the person will probably not understand, and it will be difficult to communicate. But we see in Ya'akov that his confrontation happens BEFORE he sees Esav, the cosmos are set aright that night, and seeing Esav now is only an afterthought....
How fortunate are those who see themselves truly, who are aware of the self-hatred, or self-love, that they put onto others and then chase after them, to kill them or join them. Y'akov, the man of truth, inspires us to go deep into ourselves when we see ourselves wanting to burst outward. Let us, the children of Ya'akov, take this as inspiration, and take courage enough to fight the true battle, the battle within, which renders all outward enemies defenseless. And let us also take upon ourselves the difficult task of loving ourselves, which brings the shine back into the world.
Rav Gavriel Goldfeder
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Rav Gavriel Goldfeder is one of the first semicha recipients of the yeshiva. A graduate of Drew University in Religious Studies, he came to Bat Ayin after stints in other yeshivot and found a spiritual and intellectual home. Here he met his wife, Ketriellah, who was a student in our short-lived Women's Yeshiva. Upon graduation, Gavriel took the position of rabbi of the Aish Kodesh Congregation in Boulder, Colorado and together with Ketriellah and their growing family, they are busy creating (in Gavriel's words), "a community infused with Torah values, passion for learning and prayer, consideration of one another, and action, as well as deep celebration of the joys of life." |