"Rise and fall, turn the wheel, cause all life is is really just a circle." Big Head Todd and the Monsters coined this poignant phrase that speaks to the heart of what's going on in this week's parsha with the famous twins. I have a hard time understanding Esau as the "bad son." It's all too easy to explain him away as "forefather of the evil Romans," "progenitor of the American legacy." Esau was Yaakov's twin, and while we are descended from Yaakov, a connection to a twin lasts a lifetime, or even lifetimes. Esau is still a part of us.
Each Tuesday night, Hillel Z. leads us on a meditation to explore images found in the parsha of the week. This week, we tried to picture ourselves back in that womb, grasping our brother's heel. What compelled us to do that? Were we fighting to come out first? Maybe we just weren't ready to let go of this part of ourselves. Or perhaps we were too weak to make it out on our own.
Rav Daniel spoke of Yitzchak's peculiar response when Yaakov comes before him to receive his blessing. "The voice is Yaakov's voice, but the hands are Esau's hands (Gen 27:22)." Later, when Yitzchak discovers, through Esau, that he had been duped, he exclaims "And he (Yaakov) shall also be blessed!" He had no intention of revoking the bracha! So perhaps he knew all along that it was Yaakov. After all, Yaakov didn't go very far to conceal his identity; he spoke in very non-Esau language: (I found the food you asked me to get for you) "Because HASHEM YOUR GOD arranged it for me," and "Rise up, PLEASE, sit and eat…" Esau was a coarse and hairy hunter. Someone self- sufficient who did things for himself, who didn't stop to appreciate God's hand in everything. But that's not Yaakov… Yaakov, explained Rav Daniel, was the one who could be involved with the world, with the earth and it's creatures, intending to bring out the Godliness hidden there. Especially now, in the winter, in the month of Kislev that's Kabbalistically associated with sleep, Yaakov knew that sleeping within the world were gifts merely waiting to be revealed.
Well, that's so sweet: Yaakov could bring out the world's beauty, and we're descendants of Yaakov, not Esau right? Wrong. We may be descendants of Yaakov, but he and Esau began from the same seed, the same egg. They were identical (minus their body hair), say our Sages. As much as we like to deny it, we need that Esau side of ourselves to make it in the world. Outside the womb, Esau leads us to challenging places, dark places, frightening places; but he leads us there because they can't be ignored. Such places beckon to us to bring our light there. Sometimes we're unable to do that and come away whole, but sometimes we're able to dig into the dirt there with Esau's hands and reveal the holiness that lies beneath the surface.
Rashi notes that the Nations of Yaakov and Esau gain their strength from the other's weakness. When one is up, the other is down. On an individual level, we all know that to be true. When I'm in a dark place, comfort seems the farthest from the realm of possibilities. And when I'm high, "ain't nothin gonna break my stride, aint nothin' gonna slow me down." But we'll soon hear of Yaakov's new names: Israel, the straight path, Yeshurun, the middle line. From where does this balance come? This midah (aspect) of Tiferet (balance) comes not only from Avraham's chesed (outward giving) and Yitzchak's gevurah (inward steadfastness), but also from his brother…"his hands are Esau's hands."
The rise and falls make waves, and from the peaks to the valleys are complete cycles of how we interact with the world. What the world needs now (besides love, sweet love) is a nation that isn't afraid to be led down into those valleys to complete the circles we've traced throughout time. Stop by the woods some snowy evening and take the road less travelled by. It will make all the difference.