(in loving memory of his father, Avigdor Yehuda b. Aharon Yoel Halevi [especially the dinosaur part] and thanks to Ezekiel)
This week's Torah portion (or next week's, outside of Israel - but still relevant) is another in what is a seemingly endless series of fowl-ups of the Jewish people. Of course, we need to see how we make these mistakes ourselves, because the generation of the desert is the paradigmatic generation, and in many ways their cycles are repeated in every generation.
The spies (though as the Malbim points out this is a misnomer - in fact, they are "torim" - scouts) are going into Israel to gather information and bring it back to Moshe, who will take that information, process it, and command the nation's next move according to Hashem's plan. So Moshe tells them to check out how the land is, how's the air, how are the people there, how do the cities look. Regarding this last one, Rashi points out that Moshe sort of tricks them. He knows that they might come back after their tour and say "We'll never be able to conquer this land - the cities are all well-fortified." But Moshe knows that only weak people need to fortify their cities.
So the scouts fall for it - they come back not just with information, but with all sorts of conclusions - "we'll never be able to conquer the land. The land swallows its inhabitants. We can't even cross the border." This is the beginning of the end.
Sometimes our job is just to gather information, and to draw no conclusions.
Like Rebbe Nachman points out in Torah 33, sometimes we conclude "Bad day. Everything went wrong. The world is against us." But really you need to look at it closer, break the demons down into their constituent parts.
Well, my boss yelled at me, which hurt, but maybe he had a point. And lunch was really bad, but the desert was good. And I missed my train, but really I ended up not being so late after all, and…"
We tend to carry around big stories about what happens to us. This is exactly the mistake the spies made - and its fixing is exactly what the Land of Israel has to offer. The Zohar teaches that the spies said "In the desert we are heads [of tribes] - but we will not be so in Israel." The Sfat Emet points out that they weren't just saying this about themselves, but about all of Israel. And it's true - in the desert they/we were a bunch of heads walking around. A bunch of detached intellects, walking around in this huge drama - and how dramatic it was! Cloud by day, fire by night, water and rocks, gigantic revelations of Hashem's providence, huge mythic characters and miracles, flying wells and manna bread coming down from heaven every day. Totally mythic. But Israel isn't like that- the manna is over, the clouds have left- it's a land with formidable enemies, real-life problems like crops and rain, government and politics, pollution and littering. The myth is over.
Which is where the real myth begins. When we let go of the story, the drama, then the real story starts- not the one we are trying to follow, but the one we are helping to write. Eretz Yisrael is a land of hashgacha pratit, of Hashem's hands-on guidance of every detail. But not like the desert. In the desert, we stand by, and watch Hashem's will manifest around us. In Israel, we act ourselves, and watch Hashem's will manifest THROUGH US.
And it was this that the spies couldn't, or didn't want to move in to. It was too much of a fall from being a rosh, a head, to reinhabiting the body, using the hands and the feet with the mind. To get dirt under our nails and still feel G-d.
Of course, this is not as easy as it sounds. Look at the "facts" - people dying, poverty, unemployment. The Kotzker points out something amazing - the spies come back saying "the land swallows its inhabitants, and everybody's really big…" and, says the Kotzker, well, weren 't they telling the truth? No, because the truth is all those facts, but they left out one major fact - Hashem. Faith. That needs to be among the facts - poverty, unemployment, and Hashem is always doing good, and even though I don't understand, I believe it's good. And even though I've got dirt under may nails and it's hard work and I' don't see G-d per se, I believe He is with me and it is for the best.
Then, when I am gathering facts about my day, I don't need to write a whole drama into it, because I believe it is real and moving toward something whether I feel it at this moment or not. And the more real I can be about it, the more in touch I am with the truth of it. This is exactly the point I am getting at. We don't need to be afraid of the facts at all. Just because you "believe in G-d" does not mean you can't think about dinosaurs, or evolution. It doesn't mean you cannot notice that there are poor people in the world, and that Israel is not yet everything it needs to be, because this will ruin your myth about what's supposed to happen in the world. The opposite - the closer we get to the truth, the closer we get to G-d, as it says in the Talmud, Hashem's seal is truth. The truth is where we meet. Hashem is "Hashomer emet l'olam" - the guardian of truth forever. His armor and shield is truth. I don't think Hashem wants or needs us to make up fairy tails about Him. He wants us to use the brains He gave us. He wants us to use our hands and the feet to dig up funky-looking bugs and wonder why G-d made such bizarre creatures, and marvel at their funkiness. And also to admit to ourselves that we really love Stevie Wonder, and that when we dance we feel close to G-d, and see where that takes us.
Wishing everyone a great Shabbat, and the chutzpah to write the story with Hashem, and to make it good and exciting and real.
Rav Gavriel Goldfeder
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Rav Gavriel Goldfeder is one of the first semicha recipients of the yeshiva. A graduate of Drew University in Religious Studies, he came to Bat Ayin after stints in other yeshivot and found a spiritual and intellectual home. Here he met his wife, Ketriellah, who was a student in our short-lived Women's Yeshiva. Upon graduation, Gavriel took the position of rabbi of the Aish Kodesh Congregation in Boulder, Colorado and together with Ketriellah and their growing family, they are busy creating (in Gavriel's words), "a community infused with Torah values, passion for learning and prayer, consideration of one another, and action, as well as deep celebration of the joys of life." |