Friends -- it is strange that Hashem told Moshe about the plans for building the mishkan (tabernacle) several chapters ago. Then we had the whole ordeal with the sin of the calf, and then Moshe went up to beg for mercy on our behalf. He succeed extraordinarily, winning us not only forgiveness, but also, in many ways, a higher level of relationship to the Most High. And then, as it is implied, we are given the commandment to commence with the building of the mishkan as atonement for the sin of the calf. The people are requested/commanded to give voluntarily the materials necessary for construction of the mishkan - and they give profusely, driven by what seems to be a potent mixture of zealousness and guilt (dangerous precedent), until Moshe has to say "enough!" The question is begged: Hashem wanted the mishkan before we sinned, and yet it is atonement for that sin?
It seems that Hashem wanted the mishkan to have within its fibers a certain quality. He wanted it to bear the emotional mark of the event of the calf to give its existence and implications a certain flavor. He wanted it to tell the story of that great fall - and the mercy that ensued. And He wanted Aharon at its head.
Aharon is an interesting selection for chief of staff, considering that Moshe is as of now sinless, and has the most intimate relationship to G-d that any man has ever achieved. But Aharon had been specified as the High Priest when the original orders for the mishkan were given, before the sin which Aharon himself enabled had actually happened. Hashem wanted a mishkan - and He wanted Aharon. And just as He wanted the mishkan to bear a certain urgency in its fibers, He wanted Aharon to bear a certain need as well: the need for mercy.
Compared to Moshe, Aharon is a sinner - or, even worse, one who enables others to sin. As Moshe said to Aharon, "What has this nation done to you, that you have brought upon it such a grave sin?" Yet it was specifically this man, fallen, hurting, fortunate to be alive, that Hashem wanted as the one who would implore Him, year after year, for forgiveness. Only Aharon could feel the urgency that a sinner feels, a sinner who knows what he is capable of falling to, as well as what he is capable of rising toward.
Though Moshe succeeds in winning us forgiveness, Hashem wants one who requires mercy for himself to seek forgiveness for the nation. It seems that Hashem wants us to need His mercy. Hashem's commandment to build the mishkan before the sin even happens, and how that commandment falls so beautifully into place when we suddenly need it as a token of our apology, implies that Hashem wanted us to need the mishkan as a way to open ourselves to His mercy.
It is so difficult for us to need mercy, though. We seem completely intent on self-reliance. We are uncomfortable needing - from Hashem, from Fate, from each other. Were we to realize the possibility and necessity of mercy in our relationships, we could allow these relationships to hold us, nurture us, and transform us. But when we hold out in the name of "success" or "perfection", we hold ourselves at arm's length from the healing powers so available to us.
But does it not say in the midrash that Hashem first created the world with "judgment" - that is, with a strict sense of what must be, and very little room for negotiation? And only after He saw that the world could not continue to exist by such standards did He then join the attribute of mercy in creating the world? So is it not, then, bidiavad - post facto, to need that attribute of mercy? Isn't it truer to align with Hashem's original plan to create the world?
It may be possible to live life that way. But one must ask why Hashem would go through this whole process, when it seems logical He should know how the world would turn out whichever way He would decide to create it. One must assume Hashem knew He would eventually "need" to join the attribute of mercy to that of judgment in order to create the world. Perhaps Hashem wanted to see if we could allow ourselves to receive this precious gift from Him. If the world were only created with mercy, we would have no choice but to relate to Hashem through that mercy. But now, with judgement and mercy joined, the choice is available: will we allow ourselves to receive this mercy that Hashem saw as necessary for the continuance of the world, this force of healing, of rebirth, of life complete with mistakes, of love that goes beyond success or failure - or would we be too proud? Would we refuse to need, and therefore to admit that we are incomplete and imperfect?
Rav Gavriel Goldfeder
|
Rav Gavriel Goldfeder is one of the first semicha recipients of the yeshiva. A graduate of Drew University in Religious Studies, he came to Bat Ayin after stints in other yeshivot and found a spiritual and intellectual home. Here he met his wife, Ketriellah, who was a student in our short-lived Women's Yeshiva. Upon graduation, Gavriel took the position of rabbi of the Aish Kodesh Congregation in Boulder, Colorado and together with Ketriellah and their growing family, they are busy creating (in Gavriel's words), "a community infused with Torah values, passion for learning and prayer, consideration of one another, and action, as well as deep celebration of the joys of life." |