"Not all those who wander are lost" (from a shmooze by Rav Natan)
Some of you probably know that over the summer I was on a road trip in the States with a bunch of good friends. It was the first time that I'd ever done anything like that, and when I got back a bunch of people wanted to know how it was. At the time I didn't really know what to answer them but some time has passed and I've been able to do some reflecting back and internalizing and I think I'm ready to say something a little more informative than "it was very beautiful."
At first it was a little hard getting back to yeshiva because it was so much fun just being on the road, seeing new and beautiful places everyday, not knowing what you're in for or what kind of experiences you are going to have - all that kind of excitement and adventure.
Both Rav Natan and Rav Daniel have spoken many times about the pull and the importance of wandering, and not being settled and stagnant in one place. I would like to share with you some of my thoughts about that.
Rashi in Parshat Vayeishev says that Ya'akov Avinu was punished with all the troubles of Yosef and the brothers because he wanted to settle down in peace now that he was in Israel, for tzaddikim have no rest in this world; only in the next. For a long time that made me feel a little resentful "fine, if that's how it has to be but then why would anyone want to be a tzaddik?" Now however, I think that in truth what Rashi is teaching is the importance of the wanderer. We need to be going through this world and this life like wanderers, discovering…
Maybe when Moshiach comes or in Olam Haba all the truth and all the beauty is revealed in a split second, or in all the split seconds, I don't know. But in this world our privilege and duty is to wander through life with our eyes and ears and hearts and souls opened, picking out the truth and the beauty from amidst the rubble of the falsehood and grayness or the world. What is so dangerous is to be stuck in your place, not knowing how to be open, how to see the world around you. Sometimes you get tired of wandering, sometimes you just want to rest, you just feel how nice it will be to settle down. It's O.K. to need to rest, but what's not O.K. is to idealize resting, to idealize not being alive and open and excited. For maybe it's precisely at times like that, when we are tired and need to rest, that Amalek comes. He attacks us in our weariness, he "cool us down" from the fire of being alive.
We should know that just like you can wander through the physical world, you can also stay in place and wander through time (like discovering the beauty of waking up at 5 in the morning and being awake when the sun comes up), or through the soul (like discovering the beauty of sharing Avodat Hashem with friends or the beauty of playing music together). All the ways of wandering become apparent if our hearts are open to them.
Maybe that's why, as it says in Avot, that one hour of teshuva and ma'asim tovim in this world is more beautiful than all the world to come - because here we discover the beauty, we sift it out from the layers under which it was buried, we take part in creating the beauty and the truth in this world, and that is the most joyous thing, if you can feel it. This week we read about Avraham who is the ultimate wanderer. He is a lover of the world and everything in it and it is my blessing to all of us that we connect this Shabbat to that vision.
"Down from the door where it began
now far ahead the road has gone
and I must follow, if I can,
pursuing it with eager feet
under it joins some larger way
where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say."
(JRR TOLKIEN)