Wanting from such a deep place to connect to the Almighty. What to do? I know we have openings and this seemed like the best opportunity to explore my options…. OK, to some this may sound radical, fanatical, or political.. But I know in my heart that I acted out of pure desire to absorb the presence of Hashem.
I was at selichot the day before Yom Kippur at the Kotel. It started around 11:30p.m. It was the first time I ever recited Sefardi selichot. It was so exciting to be at such a powerful place, with hundreds of other Jews, reciting praises to The Most High. I slept in the Old City at the house of a friend of a friend, in his roommate's room. Interestingly, when I went into the room at an early hour in the morning, a man awoke and said good morning! I felt bad for waking him but he had to get up to go pray (for 3 hours) with the Yemenites. So I took his place in the bed and begged Hashem to give me the strength to get up in a few hours to go on my latest adventure. Baruch Hashem I got up and went to the mikva and davened in a nice minyan at the Kotel. I was going to the Temple mount.
Ohhhh….a Jew? Going to the Temple mount? How could that be? But like I said before, you might think this is "radical." But how could it be that we are everywhere in the world except for arguably the only holy place for a Jew? This is the place where many crucial events happened… creation of the first man/woman combo being, Abraham offering Isaac, the place of both Temples, all offerings to Hashem, the place where we brought our fruits of the land and families, the place where the Levi'im played instruments and sung praises to Hashem, and the place where Hashem's presence is most revealed in this lower world! So, now I ask, why is it that we are not pounding on the Temple Mount doors to get a glance? Or to just take in one deep breath?
So I took the plunge.. Literally, into the mikva and carefully checked and cleaned my body like the Halacha explains. Mentally I would never be ready but I tried to still my mind. Then after davening, I waited in a hectic hour line. I recited Tehillim and waited. Finally they let us through the metal detectors and then my feet, uncovered, reached the dirt path leading to the Temple mount. They told us that it was forbidden for Jews to pray there. They explained that we will be followed by Arafat's "police" to make sure we were not praying. You also could not do "k'riya" (ritual tearing of garment when visiting the Temple Mount, remembering its destruction). Also, if you looked as if you were praying then they could toss you out.
Slowly I walked onto the holy ground. Slowly breathing and big eyes. There is no sight to describe, no smell so sweet but only a feeling inside. I've waited my whole life to return to this mountain and I can't pray? What is going on? I continued walking, reciting Psalms that I knew by heart. And now literally I spoke them only in my heart. I could not take my eyes off of the center of the world or turn my back to that place. Then I felt eyes peering into me. Trying to "feel" if I was praying because my lips were sealed. I saw three men with walkie talkies staring at me and pointing…. Then the Israeli guard came over and said keep walking with the group and turn around. I was silent and continued saying Tehillim. I caught up to a group who were being given a tour by their Rabbi. I felt I could blend in and then pray in comfort. We approached almost directly opposite the Holy of Holies. I felt for a corner of my shirt to tear (even though it's forbidden) but was being watched by the man in a green shirt. He was waiting to find a reason to kick me out. Then I remembered that I had on a button down shirt with a pocket. I carefully grabbed it and covered it with my arm. Then I tore my pocket half off. A few guys turned and smiled. For the remainder of the "tour" I covered that pocket.
I went through the walk mostly silent and I felt anger, sadness, confusion, and happiness. At one point I remembered what we say at the end of the first berachah in the Shemoneh esrei. We say; Baruch atah Hashem Magen Abraham. Magan (shield).. Protector, the One who keeps evil from penetrating our souls. I was sad and confused up to this point but I realized that I was protected and nothing could hurt me - even as we walked like grazing sheep on land that felt familiar. I knew now that nothing could touch me and I just needed to absorb the energy of the place and concentrate on what was coming, Yom Kippur. Those silly men that were waiting for me to pray think they have power, they think they can control what people do and where they can go. This made me smile, knowing that only Hashem controls everything. But it was clear also that this is where the third Temple would be… I felt its energy. And besides, why were these Arab guards so insecure? I'm a simple Jew wanting to come home. What harm could I do? They have had control of the Temple mount for about 1400 years! That's about 600 years longer then both Temples were there!!
At the end of the timeless walk, we all exited backwards. I noticed behind me a few steps going down so I bent over and looked behind me to see where I was headed. I gave an illegal bow in honor of Hashem's holy house, and the guards started coming towards me. Then I said in a low voice, with my lips moving, yibaneh hamigdash!! (May the Temple be rebuild!!)…the guards jumped at me and an Israeli guard came in front of me and pushed me out the door.
You may think I'm foolish, or stubborn, or crazy… but I am just a tired traveler who finally made it home to find foreigners in his house. My heart longs for redemption and the more we say it, the more real it will become. That's why they don't let us pray at the Temple mount - they know the strength of our prayer, but do we?
Shabbat Shalom and Chag Somayach!!! May the mitzvah of sukkah bring us only joy and a deeper trust in Hashem, knowing that He is the ONE, the King of King of Kings!