Chodesh Tov! A joyous Adar, a joyous Purim!
Warning: The following Torah, like all Torah, can be read anywhere, anytime (except in filthy alleyways,) but it cannot be understood except at a Purim Seudah. May we all be blessed to find a holy and real Purim Seudah this year and every year…
Everyone knows that the depths of Purim are the depths of G-d hiding from us. "Esther" means "hidden," and the Megillah is the only book of the Tanakh which never mentions G-d! Yet the Gemara tells us that the Revelation of Har Sinai was not complete, that the Torah was not fully received, until the Concealment of Purim. At Sinai, Hashem held the mountain over our heads, forcing us to accept the Torah - but such an acceptance is no acceptance, the Gemara protests! It's true… but the Jewish people truly received the Torah in the days of Achashveirosh, in the days of Purim… What went so wrong on Har Sinai that had to be fixed on Purim?
Another question: A famous Midrash asks why is Purim compared to the dawn? Because just as dawn is the end of the night, so Purim is the end of all miracles. And here, all the commentators ask why are miracles compared to the night - shouldn't it be just the other way around? Aren't miracles like spots of light and revelation in our usual darkness?
The questions go deeper, in their roots, than they appear here, for the hiddenness of Purim is rooted not only in the Revelation of Har Sinai, but in the mysteries of Creation itself. "Olam," world, comes from the root of "he'elem," hidden. The very essence of Creation - in a sense the original Revelation of G-d - is His hiddenness. In Kabbalah, this is referred to as the mystery of tzimtzum, of the Divine "contraction," withdrawing, concealing Itself to bring into being the world, all of creation. Through tzimtzum, the Ain Sof (Endless Infinite One) is said to have created an empty space within which to create the world, empty of Him… Of course, all of creation is sustained constantly only by G-d, so He must constantly penetrate and infuse this empty space; yet He does so in such a way that the void is never filled. It is always empty.
This emptiness is the void in the depths of each person's heart, it is never filled, never filled... The whole world has a hole in its heart, on so many levels, but the true bottomlessness is always this original void which is the foundation of Creation.
There are two main ways that people tend to react to this predicament, which I call Avoid the Void, and Feed the Void. Feed the Void is the most common, and is based on the belief that there must be something which will fill in that empty space - the empty space between me and G-d, between me and those I love, between me and any ultimate sense of security. So we feed the Void, especially with "the big three," food, money, and sex. There are lots of variations, of course, but the main idea is that there is something - and maybe it's a magical relationship, something deep you know, not just money - but in the end, something that will satisfy the void. This is the root of idolatry, out of our fear, we try to fashion something fixed and permanent so we don't have to face the void, a fantasized solution of satisfying the void so we can be happy and safe. This was the building of the Golden Calf, for Moshe, who the people had used to fill the Void, "was no more," and they wanted something new, something that would never go away.
Of course, there are always those who come to realize that the Void is insatiable. Though the Void comes towards us like an insatiable mouth to consume our existence, to try to feed it only perpetuates suffering. So the "spiritual," ascetic solution is to avoid the Void altogether, to renounce desire for all impermanent things. This was Moshe on Has Sinai, without food or water, celibate, beyond the world. Just Receiving the holy Torah… Imagine his shock when Hashem tells him what is happening down below, the feasting, the orgy, dancing around the Gold… Well, what do you expect? That is the fate of those trapped down there! Good to be up here… No, says Hashem, "Go, descend - " and here Rashi brings the words of the Rabbis, that G-d was demoting Moshe from his position - "your elevation is only for their sake - " and further, that then and there Hashem excommunicated Moshe Rabbeinu! No exaggeration - go and see the Rashi for yourself!
What does this mean? It is the ultimate statement that these two "solutions" of feeding and starving the void, both trying to defeat it, are bound together. A person can frequently oscillate between them. Only Purim can save us now! And where is Purim? When Moshe responds to Hashem, pleading with G-d to forgive the Jewish people, he said "if you forgive them, good, and if NOT erase me from this Book that you have written." (Shmot 32:32) The words translated as "if not" are "V'im Ayin," Ayin is not just a particular "not," it is really the big "NOT," the Void… what if That is all there is… In this moment, when Moshe erased himself from the Torah (he is not mentioned in Parshas Tetzaveh - see the next article - ed.) he allowed Hashem to erase Himself from the Megillah, which is the only way we could receive the Torah.
These two words are the secret of Purim "V'im Ayin," to turn and face the void, and standing within it, find the silent, secret point of G-d's deepest presence, which transforms the Void from a black hole to a fertile void, to a womb. This is risky, this is Esther's "V'im Avadati Avadati," if I am lost, I am lost, as she entered into the courtyard of the King, the empty space of the King…
Miracles are night when we use them to fill in the void, Purim is dawn when we see the Megillat Esther - not merely the Revelation of that which is Hidden, but the Revelation of Hiddenness itself. Good Purim!