It is brought in the name of the Maggid of Zlotchov that Haman represents the yetzer harah while Mordecai represents the yetzer hatov. 'And a person must always subdue the yetzer harah and give strength to the yetzer hatov.' The battle between Haman and Mordecai over the fate of the Jews was not a momentary battle - it is an eternal battle. We are always choosing one or the other - Haman or Mordecai. The Gemara (Megillah 12a) says on the verse '[they gave wine] according to every person's will [literally 'by the will of every man and man].' Rava explains that it was according to the will of Haman and Mordecai - they were the ones serving the wine at Achashveirosh's party. MaHaRSha writes on this that everyone was caught in the balance between the wills of these two giants - Mordecai wanted the Jews not to drink, and Haman wanted everyone to drink.
But we are always at the party of Achashveirosh, and we are always choosing between these two wills that are pulling us in either direction. Rebbe Nachman in Torah 70 writes about these two opposing forces, always pulling us in two opposite directions. But we have to realize the urgency and the danger of every moment. We have to realize that, though Purim is celebrated only once a year, it is really the story of the everyday, of what is happening all the time. It is not a story of miracles and once-in-millennia events like the parting of the sea. It is the story of G-d in our lives all the time, the hidden miracles, the story behind the story. It is just that we only have the courage, and the ability, to look at that reality once a year. 'And Aharon shall not come at all times into the Holy of Holies…' It is too much, too overwhelming, to realize that we are also just puppets, that we are also masks for G-d, that our decisions ultimately amount to nothing. So once a year we dress like puppets and lose our minds in order to orient ourselves to the true reality. But if we spent all of our time there, nothing would get done. And it is Hashem's will that we do what we can, and not come at all times into that Holy space.
But we have to realize the impact of this moment. The Megillah proves to us that there are no small moments or large moments. 'Run toward even a 'small' Mitzvah, and run away from transgression. For a Mitzvah leads to [lit. has in tow] another Mitzvah, and a transgression leads to another transgression.' This moment seems insignificant in and of itself, but the battle between Mordecai and Haman is happening at this very moment as much as at any moment. The battle didn't end with Haman's hanging. That was just the end of act I. R' Eliezer Berland said, 'For Haman is only an image, a scarecrow. There is no Haman; it's just the side of unholiness that sometimes clothes itself as Haman sometimes in someone else. So they hanged the scarecrow, but the spirit remained. It returns again in every generation, it can descend again at any moment.' The most dangerous thought is to think that we have killed him - he is gone. He is not gone. He waits for you to think he is gone, so in the next moment, he can damage us.
Maybe we think we should really get our mojo working for Shabbat. Maybe for the Passover Seder I put on a yarmulke. Maybe when I see the Rabbi I say things like 'Baruch Hashem'. Maybe once in a while I pray with intention and intensity. And maybe it works for the moment - but what happens next? What happens the next day when I speak lashon harah, when I forget whatever we talked about on Shabbat?
Amalek doesn't care if we have moments. It is even better if we have moments that are good, if they make us feel we have really accomplished something. If it doesn't put in us the desire to do more, if it cools us down like Amalek does, if we are satisfied with the one thing we did this week, then Amalek wins.
Esther knows this. Even when she succeeds in saving her own life, and having Haman killed, she knows she still needs to save the lives of her people. So when she goes back to Achashveirosh to beg for the lives of the Jews, she doesn't assume that, since he listened to her last time, he will listen to her again this time. Instead, she falls at his feet and cries and begs. She knows that every time, you need to start over from scratch.
The Gemara in Ketubot starts with the statement: A virgin is married on Wednesday. Rashi explains the reason for this is that, since the courts meet on Thursday night, if he has a claim about her virginity [meaning, if he suspects that she lied], he'll wake up in the morning and go to the court while he is still angry. And if there is time in between, we are concerned that he will be appeased, and cool down (Rashi's literal words). We don't want to be cooled down! We want to take the feelings when we have them and put them into our relationship with G-d. We want to capture every moment of desire we have for G-d and put it into a blessing over bread, a chapter of Psalms, a few words of prayer. The worst thing we can say is 'I'll express that feeling when I go to shul on Shabbat.' The feeling will be gone. You might even still have words to describe it, but the feeling is gone.
When we gather on Purim, it can be the first NOW. When we come together with our holy children, they have their groggers they made in school, their horse costumes and their crowns, and they are all high on the sugar of the mishloach manot, when they hear Haman's name, they shout! There is no later. They are not saving their energy for the end. What are we saving our energy for? What end? Pesach? Rosh Hashanah?
When we shout out Haman's name, it is not something we do for the kids, and it is not something we do to commemorate. It is because Haman is here now, in the room, and he is waiting for us to let down our guard, to let the fire go out. He is waiting for us to judge someone in the room who is shouting a lot, or who is dressed up like a Democrat, or whatever. He is waiting for us to wonder when this stupid Megillah reading will be over so we can go home and check e-mail. He is ready to pounce - 'sin crouches at the opening.'
But tonight we have access to the gallows. We have a fifty-foot tree with his name on it. Well, the truth is, it has our name on it, too. Either he is going to hang us, or we are going to hang him. One or the other. But this night, this day, we can start to have now. We can start to stamp him out now, start the fire again, vow to add to it daily, all of our offerings, offering everything up to G-d. Feeding the fire - incense, morning offerings, afternoon offerings, whatever is left at night, everything goes on. Feed the fire. Now.
There is no returning from Purim. Really, there is no returning from anything we do, but there is especially no returning from Purim. We go through Purim, like we go through the Sea of Reeds. Purim doesn't happen twice. It is an opportunity, says Rabbi Rafael Luria, to get completely new vessels for perceiving the world. It is an entirely new light that shines on Purim, it can set our minds straight, our hearts. It can clean us to the deepest depths. Deeper than Yom Kippur. We can get a new brain on Purim, a new mind. There is no limit to what can happen on Purim. We can reach the deepest levels of love of Israel, of commitment to Torah, we can get new Tefillin, a new perspective on the holidays, a new sense of self. We can go from the farthest-away place to the closest place in a moment. We can bring down infinite blessing. The deepest of rifts between people can be instantaneously dissolved, inverted into the deepest love. In a moment.
G-d's want us to be ready to act in a moment, because G-d acts in a moment. Opportunities open and close in a flash. Right now, forever, I need to be ready for G-d's word.
Rav Gavriel Goldfeder
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Rav Gavriel Goldfeder is one of the first semicha recipients of the yeshiva. A graduate of Drew University in Religious Studies, he came to Bat Ayin after stints in other yeshivot and found a spiritual and intellectual home. Here he met his wife, Ketriellah, who was a student in our short-lived Women's Yeshiva. Upon graduation, Gavriel took the position of rabbi of the Aish Kodesh Congregation in Boulder, Colorado and together with Ketriellah and their growing family, they are busy creating (in Gavriel's words), "a community infused with Torah values, passion for learning and prayer, consideration of one another, and action, as well as deep celebration of the joys of life." |