The Malbim makes it clear that the spies were not sent into the Land of Israel to assess the viability of a military victory -- for G-d had already promised them that He would give Israel to them. Really, they were sent in to see the goodness of the land. They come back and say, "It's really beautiful, but the people are so big, and..." But do you love it? "Yeah, but its scary and there are giants..." But do you love it? Before you decide whether it is possible, decide if you really want it. Are you willing to work hard for it? I know the walls are tall, but do you want what's behind them? Isn't it true that we usually assess whether we want to do something by whether we feel like confronting the barriers to that thing? Hashem demands of us in this week's parsha to decide first whether we want Eretz Yisrael, whether we really really love it, must have it. If the answer is yes, then no barrier can defer us from getting it. Every step, every challenge and fall and rebirth is toward Eretz Yisrael. There is no way I will not get there, because she is mine and I am hers. But if I don't love it, then the walls are so tall, the people are so big, I don't know. I mean, maybe we can go to Uganda...
People, we have got to know what we want. Am I really pushing to acheive what I am working toward? Do I believe in my goals? Do I want what I am praying for? The question arises, what if there were a snow day, and tefilin were canceled, would I be upset or relieved? This is the great lesson from last week's parsha. Some people couldn't bring the Passover offering because they were impure - and it was killing them! How could I not bring the Pesach offering? There must be a way!!! How much am I dying to really feel Shabbes, to really wrap tefillin, to really daven, to really be selfless... and how much am I just waiting for really good reasons not to?
When all is said, I am my desires. Know who you are. There is no shame to realize I really do not want to daven. I personally most of the time would much rather sleep. But when this truth is known, I can desire to desire. And though most people would say they do not really deep down desire to do anything but gratify themselves, almost everyone would say I desire to desire to serve G-d, or I desire to desire to desire. Somewhere in your being is fuel waiting to be ignited, just needing to be directed to the right outlet.
Rav Gavriel Goldfeder
|
Rav Gavriel Goldfeder is one of the first semicha recipients of the yeshiva. A graduate of Drew University in Religious Studies, he came to Bat Ayin after stints in other yeshivot and found a spiritual and intellectual home. Here he met his wife, Ketriellah, who was a student in our short-lived Women's Yeshiva. Upon graduation, Gavriel took the position of rabbi of the Aish Kodesh Congregation in Boulder, Colorado and together with Ketriellah and their growing family, they are busy creating (in Gavriel's words), "a community infused with Torah values, passion for learning and prayer, consideration of one another, and action, as well as deep celebration of the joys of life." |